id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
