Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
