CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
