My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
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Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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