I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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