its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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