Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.

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(310): View more from California

first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona

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(949): View more from California

You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it

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(269): View more from Michigan

Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes

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(801): View more from Utah

I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America

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(304): View more from West Virginia

If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.

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