Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
