this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
