so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
