Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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