we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
