Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
