That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
