see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
being pregnant is like rehab
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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