Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
