Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize