He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
