I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize