i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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