weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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