i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
