So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
