If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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