and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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