i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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