Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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