I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude i'm inner monologue high
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
