We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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