these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
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What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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