im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
