I smell stomach acid.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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