i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
