The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
ttyl tear gas
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
