I am midnight drunk by noon
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
