I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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