why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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