i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
