Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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