i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
