Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
