This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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