I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
