im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
