laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
