Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
