This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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