hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
