Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
