Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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