Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
