I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
