): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
