So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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