so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
