apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
