Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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