I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
