Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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