Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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