I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
