Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
