i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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