If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
