I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
