I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
