I need to stop coming to work sober
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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