I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
