I CAN MOONWALK!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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