I'm drive I can fine osifer
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
