At least make sure they are 18
Why
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
