take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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