I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize