Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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