Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
no. you can't hotbox the world.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
