I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
