Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
