Do you still have your period?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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