I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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