i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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