I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
