on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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