Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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